The lovely fourth trimester. Why isn’t this talked about more? So many things are talked about but then there’s just as many things that ARE NOT talked about.
I’m going to talk about them… because what the heck! Moms matter too!
First off — sleep! Everyone and I mean E V E R Y O N E tells you to “get as much sleep as you can now because when the babies here you won’t sleep again”.
For me? I became anemic during pregnancy so I felt like I could never get enough sleep. It didn’t matter if it was 2 hours, 8 hours, or 18 hours. I was always exhausted. My biggest piece of advice is IF you can, sleep in the hospital before the baby is born, ask the nurses to help you and sleep AFTER the baby is born.
When you go home they tell you, “sleep when the baby sleeps”. What they don’t tell you is how hard this actually is especially during recovery. They send you home in a diaper with a newborn baby and no actual handbook on parenting. Trying to understand a newborn is really freaking hard. You also don’t have time to feed yourself, shower yourself, or use the bathroom yourself when dealing with a newborn so you try to do it while they sleep. So if people are offering to help, accept it! Take a nap or a sleep because you will start to go crazy if you don’t.
Self care / self love — postpartum sucks. It’s like having the heaviest period of your life, so heavy you have to wear a diaper. Then a few days after you go home your milk starts to come in and your boobs hurt so bad on top of that you wake up in the middle of the night drenched in milk so you feel sticky and gross. Most days you really don’t want to move but you have to take care of a fresh babe so you often forget about yourself. It’s hard to use the bathroom when you’re alone during recovery because unless you have a really good sleeper it’s like the baby just knows when you have to use the restroom and even if they’re dead asleep as soon as you get up to use the restroom they’re awake again. And recovery pee breaks take a good 5-10 minutes which is a lot when you have a crying baby. I hated when Abe left me alone during this. When he comes home the first thing he would do is take the baby and tell me to go shower and I will tell you those showers are MUCH needed. If you have people offering to watch the baby just to let you shower, don’t hesitate, take them up on the offer. I will admit that I cried a few times the first few weeks because of how dirty I felt and the pain I felt in my boobs – just cry it out. It’s okay and crying is also a form of self love. It’s okay to not be okay early on. And if you’re not okay my messages are always open!
Peace of mind — as first time parents we over researched and overspent on all things baby.
Anything that promised peace of mind or extra sleep…. we bought or added to our registry. Our four favorite products: the doona stroller, owlet sock, nanit pro baby monitor, and the best for last the snoo. I’ll do a personal review of these items at some point but for now…. just buy it. You won’t regret it. If you don’t know what these things are: the doona is a 2 in 1 convertible car seat and stroller it makes life a lot easier not having to transfer from a car seat to a stroller. The owlet sock helps monitor the babies heart rate and oxygen levels and give you alerts at the base or on your phone. This helps with getting some sleep! You don’t have to constantly hover over baby while they sleep with it. Nanit pro baby monitor picks up right on my phone so I have it always and don’t have to carry an extra monitor around. The snoo — yes, it’s freaking expensive but as Abe said, “my sleep is worth every dollar”. Legend sleeps so much better now and he has also outgrown waking up every 3 hours because of it. It takes consistency during the first few weeks but I promise, if you value your sleep and just want to be able to close your eyes and not have an anxious sleep these products are must haves. I never worry about waking up to check that the baby is still breathing because his owlet will loudly alert me if he stops breathing and I can be up and right there instantly since he’s next to our bed in his bassinet. With the bassinet we don’t have to worry about getting up at every cry because the snoo with soothe the baby back to sleep and the camera allows me to watch without having to physically get up which is so important in the middle of the night. If you’re scared to invest in the products just wait until right before your due date to purchase so you have the opportunity to take advantage of the return period!
Newborn life —
Newborns are so hard and also so easy. Does that make sense ? Our pediatrician said it best, newborns don’t cry just because. If they’re crying there is a reason whether it’s a dirty diaper, they’re hungry, they’re cold, they want skin to skin there is a reason. Abe always tells me he, “troubleshot the baby”. I looked at him crazy at first but it makes sense. If you change the diaper and the baby still cries you can check it off the list as the reason for crying. If skin to skin doesn’t work, same thing. Keep working your way down the list until you find what’s causing the crying. For me ? It was always feeding. He was always hungry. We unfortunately had to pump and then soon after move to formula because he was not gaining enough weight, and not eating enough on the breast. Then when we were told 2oz every 3 hours, I took it literally and learned the hard way that he wanted more than 2oz. At his two week appointment his pediatrician told us to let him tell us when he’s no longer hungry and since then we have had a super content baby. He went from 2oz every 3 hours to 4 Oz every 3 hours after that appointment. That was the best advice we have received so far from our pediatrician!
The fourth trimester is really hard even with a partner. I cannot imagine doing it alone and every woman who does deserves more credit than I can give them because it is REALLY hard. But for those of us who do have partners who help we are super fortunate and super blessed — at least I know I am. I couldn’t have asked for a better partner as we continue to go through the fourth trimester. Legend really does have the best dad.
Postpartum depression and baby blues are REAL and they are DANGEROUS so if you find yourself reading this and you need someone to talk to my inbox is ALWAYS open. Just know you are not alone during this and remember to look at your little babe… it is all worth it. This too shall pass and the next chapter of your life is even better!
Raising Legend 